So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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