pop tarts are not kleenex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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