I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
