All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
