with your own penis?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
