I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
