I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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