I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
