I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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