just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
