Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
