Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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