I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
