When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
