guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
