Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
