i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
