he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
