marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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