the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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