Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
