haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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