just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
