I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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