party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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