just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
