I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
