Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
