I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
