i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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