Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
