I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
