somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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