i jhust puked up my retainher.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
