oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
