I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this will be a night to untag.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
