She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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