I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
