there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
