I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
