OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
