You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
