If i come over, it means nothing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
