Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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