Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
