omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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