ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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