no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
