All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
