so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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