hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
