so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
