Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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